Stumbling my way through how to use Tinder has been an interesting adventure to say the least. Plenty of blogs tell you the technical Tinder “how to”, but very few articles provide tips and tricks when determining who to “swipe right” on and possibly meet in person. As a result, I have developed a set of 6 personal rules for using Tinder.
Keep in mind, I am using Tinder not as a “hook up” site but a legitimate way to meet single men. And yes, I believe there are lots of decent single men using Tinder to meet decent single women.
Now, I didn’t always have these rules to keep me out of one-night-stand-men trouble or even regular men nonsense. These rules are the result of my own personal trial and error.
Since implementing these Tinder rules, I have been able to weed out the one-night-stand-men from the I-want-a-real-relationship-men. As time passes, I may add or subtract to these rules. Until then, these rules are serving me well.
Rule #1: Say No To Men With All Selfie Pictures
Any man who only has selfies is an automatic swipe left.
If a man doesn’t have a friend that he can ask to snap a quick pic, it seems to me either
a) He doesn’t want anyone to know he is on Tinder and likely has a “hook up” mentality no matter other information presented.
b) He probably doesn’t have much of a social life, resulting in a higher “cling factor.”
I have two kids. I don’t have time for meeting men that just want a fling or need constant contact because I become their social life. Lonely people can be serious clingers! (However if that’s what you are seeking, by all means, swipe right.)
And while we are on the subject, even men with more than selfie photos that have one bathroom selfie are also an automatic left swipe list. Seriously guys, learn to take a selfie without a bathroom mirror!
I look for men that may have a selfie or two but other photos show them in social settings (with or without friends pictured) that appeal to my interests.
Rule #2: Information Section Must Have Something
It takes like what, two seconds to put some words into the information section? If a man isn’t willing to put at least a handful of words in the information section, how can I believe they will dedicate any time to a relationship??
I don’t care if you try to be witty or if you want to be serious. Shoot, only doing emojis is fine to tell me you like to fish, don’t smoke, and like movies. Whatever…just put something!
I have no desire to waste my time on a man who won’t take ten minutes to give me a clue about themselves. It’s not like I’m not asking you to give a blood sample and sign for a background check.
That said, the men that clearly state what they are looking for on Tinder get higher rankings in my book. One man had good pictures and gave some information. His first text of “Hey baby!” made it very obvious he was looking for something entirely different from what I was. Needless to say, I immediately clarified what he was looking for (friends with benefits for curious in the crowd) and we cut ties in a friendly manner.
This is an excellent example of what I look for in the information section.
Rule #3: Height and Weight Are No-Nos
At first it struck me as humorous that men list their height and weight. However a couple of weeks in, I realized this was a tell-tale sign of someone not necessarily focused on a serious connection.
Don’t get me wrong looks are important. (And one thing I think Tinder does well in the online dating world.) Alas, if you are “matching” based on a person’s height and weight, how serious can you be about getting to know their personality and being open to honest connection?
Telling your height may not indicate all these men aren’t serious. But for me it’s an easy sign that they probably aren’t seeking the same type of relationship I am.
Rule #4: Have a Decent “Pick-up” Line
After what I now recognize as doing the majority of the chasing in my relationship with Rainbow, I wait for any “matches” to contact me. When they do, I look for a polite hello and some initial “pick up” line related to my profile.
Thanks for the mood boost, Jeff, but you’re not exactly what I am looking for.
Much better. Good work, Pete!
When the initial contact reflects that you didn’t look at my information before swiping – I quickly break the match.
Rule #5: Stay On The Platform Until Physically Meeting
In my career I work with various security professionals. I know how many scary things can happen, and quickly, with minimal information. Therefore I stay on the Tinder platform until I physically meet a person. (I would recommend this for all dating platforms. Though I am guilty of violating this rule and have occasionally paid the price.)
Crazy can be hard to spot via a texting platform. Why would you want to give your phone number to someone you may never have said hello to in a store because you got the “crazy vibe” from them?
Further, be on the look out for unusual questions or inquiries that make you uncomfortable. I had decent text conversation with this individual prior to these unusual comments.
He only had one condition to meet me….until he had two that is. To top this guy off, the term “settle” rubbed me the wrong way. Oh, you are willing to “settle” for Friday, are you? Too bad I am no longer willing to “settle” on meeting you. Glad I wasn’t having this conversation via text message on my personal mobile number!
It’s also better to not swap digits if you decide that the individual you matched with isn’t someone you care to create a deeper relationship with. Non-sharing of numbers also makes it easier to walk away with a polite, “This isn’t working for me” comment.
Rule #6: If In Doubt, Swipe Left
Last but certainly not least, if in doubt at all, swipe left!
One of the things I believe Tinder does well is ensure an initial “spark”. As the saying goes, there are a lot of fish in the sea. Why swipe right on one that you aren’t immediately attracted to based on their looks? Or maybe there was a picture that caught you funny. Or a comment that makes you wonder what they meant.
Call me shallow if you like, but after having experiences on EHarmony too, the initial reaction to a person’s images or information is telling.
Listen to your gut and if you have any hesitation at all – swipe left!
As a friend once quoted from the kid’s television show Dora the Explorer, “Swiper, no swiping!” – well, no right swiping anyway.